seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
