Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
