Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
