So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
