apparently the secret to your success is patron
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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