i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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