i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
