Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sex in a hospital.. check
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
