In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
