I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
