god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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