Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
