so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
