She is in my trunk
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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