don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
