on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
