I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
