Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
