Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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