Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
