Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
