jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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