after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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