I hate your face
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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