this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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