I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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