She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
