i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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