i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
