then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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