I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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