Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
