Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
