So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
