Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
