as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
