I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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