We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
