wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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