I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
