Don't you send me to vm
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
