I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
soo... how was my night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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