Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
