rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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