Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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