So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
