Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
