true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
