Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I touched a dick in church today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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