hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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