NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
