Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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