Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
