WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
