I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
