I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
