The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
