why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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