i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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