half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
