My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize