she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
