Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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