All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
