You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
