I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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