apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
