Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
