You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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