Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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