I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
