Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
